We tend to be afraid of our pain, to resist and struggle against it, which is much as nature intended. Pain - and our desire to avoid it - protects us, alerting us to injury and ensuring that we rest damaged parts of our body while they heal.
Unfortunately, chronic pain is rarely so useful; our natural instinct to avoid and struggle against this pain merely creates tension - adding to the discomfort, the exhaustion and the pain itself.
In theory
In theory, it's possible to stop the tension developing by accepting the pain, instead of resisting it. Accepting pain has the potential to release us from the struggle and can lead to relaxation and a sense of real peace. If you think of pain as a river flowing through you, then struggling against the pain is a bit like putting a large boulder in the river: the river flows on but now rages angrily around the obstacle. It's the same with pain, the more we struggle the more it hurts. If we can find a way to accept the pain, to just let it flow through unresisted, then the pain can become so much more bearable.
But accepting pain is not an easy thing to do: it's against our natural instincts and means befriending the thing that blights our lives. Any attempt to accept pain needs to be done with great kindness to yourself, approaching things slowly, gently and with patience. Appreciate that accepting pain is a hard thing to do and feel compassion for yourself.
Approaching Pain
Strange as it may seem, taking a step towards pain can actually lead you away from pain. Begin simply by becoming aware the resistance around the pain, rather than the pain itself, and try to soften around it.
Also notice any emotions that arise as you move towards the pain; maybe fear, maybe anger? Then gradually move on to observing the sensations that make up the pain: perhaps throbbing, stabbing, or burning. Are these sensations constant or do they move around? The idea is to gently explore the pain, attempting to understand its different components rather than seeing it as one vast monster. Try to see each component as an unpleasant sensation rather than as 'pain'; it is a subtle distinction but somehow this seems to help, perhaps because it puts some distance between us and the pain, or maybe it's a case of the better we know something, the less we fear it.
Resting in the eye of the storm
Really letting go is tricky, not least because it is something you 'allow' to happen rather than something you 'do' (a bit like falling asleep). Trying too hard tends to create more tension. But if you do manage to let go the experience is a little like finding yourself in the eye of a storm: all around you the pain rages on, yet you remain in the still, calm centre. The resulting feeling of peace releases tension and releases pain-killing endorphins. The pain sensations are still there, but now seem more detached, as if you are more observing them than experiencing them, and this can make the pain much easier to live with.
And please don't give yourself a hard time if you have trouble letting go; after all, it is our instinct to resist pain and being hard on yourself tends to create more tension. For me, simply accepting that it isn't easy to let go was probably the most important step in finally being able to accept the pain (some of the time...).
Everyone has a unique experience of pain and each person finds his or her own path to pain relief. I hope that some people will find the ideas here help them manage their pain. If you want to explore this, I would recommend using a tape. Jon Kabat-Zinn's book Full Catastrophe Living (Piatkus, 1996) also has a section on accepting pain.